Dealing with Disappointment

What’s been your most crippling disappointment in life? I can tell you one of mine came on April 4, 2016. My North Carolina Tarheels were contending for another national championship in men’s basketball. Tarheels point guard Marcus Paige had just tied the game with a few seconds left by banking-in a clutch three-pointer. On the next possession, Villanova’s Chris Jenkins brought the ball down the floor, elevated at the three-point line and drilled the game winner at the buzzer. Jim Nance lost his mind. Wildcats stormed the court and I wanted to cry.

Personally, that deflating moment and the storm clouds of disappointment that hung over my head for several days after made me a hot mess. The low of that loss was only eclipsed that next year by a higher high when the Tarheels went on a redemption run and won the national title in thrilling fashion against the Gonzaga Bulldogs.

If there’s one thing that being a lifelong sports fan has taught me is how to live with disappointment. I have watched many losing seasons and known the agony of defeat in the big game more times than I can count. But some may say, “Yeah, but at the end of the day, it’s just a game.” That’s true, but as anyone whose played the game knows—the lessons translate to life off the court (or field).

The pain of disappointment runs like an undercurrent through life. Because this world is fallen and marred by the curse of sin, its default setting is to leave us crestfallen. Disappointment comes in various forms. It happens when our high expectations are crushed by disease, disaster, defeat and death. Kids are disappointed when a parent breaks a promise or a toy doesn’t live up to its advertising. Youth are disappointed when they don’t get into their college of choice, or when they get dumped by a love interest. Adults are disappointed when their political candidate doesn’t win an election, or when they don’t experience success in their career while others flourish.  

In such an uncertain world, it seems like disappointment is one guarantee we can count on.  

This is one reason why the Bible is so relevant. The people that fill its pages had to deal with hard-core disappointment. For instance: how about Adam and Eve getting evicted from their garden paradise by God and subsequently having to bury a murdered son (Gen. 3-4). Joseph’s teenage dreams were smashed when his brothers threw him into a pit and sold him as a slave (Gen. 37). Think of Job who lost his fitness, finances, family and fame all in one day (Job 1-2). Moses led God’s people through the wilderness, but was forbidden to enter the Promised Land. Rachael, Hannah and Elizabeth were women who knew the crushing disillusionment that came with a barren womb. Perhaps no one knew disappointment like the disciples the day after Jesus’ crucifixion. They told an incognito Christ on the Emmaus Road, “We had hoped that he was the one to redeem Israel” (Luke 24:21).    

Disappointment can form a hairline crack that ends up fracturing our faith. The gradual undermining of our spiritual foundation caused by disappointment can lead to collapse. Disappointment leads to doubt; doubt gives way to discouragement; discouragement causes defeat. The Enemy knows how to drive the wedge of disappointment even deeper into our souls so we end up losing faith, hope and joy.

So how do we shore up our spiritual foundation so that the cracks of disappointment don’t lengthen? I think we can take some lessons from the prophet Habakkuk. God delivered this prophet some stunning news—because of Judah’s continued rebellion and idolatry God was sending judgment in the form of an invading army. Habakkuk learned that the Babylonians were coming to rape, pillage and burn Jerusalem. His little three-chapter book contains not only God’s doom-and-gloom prophecy, but the prophet’s emotional rollercoaster of dealing with such disappointing news. Turns out, Habakkuk wasn't the only person of faith unhappy with next regime coming to destroy his nation. But read the conclusion of his book:

17 Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, 18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. 19 God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places.

Here’s what Habakkuk did to deal with disappointment. First, he readjusted to his new reality. Circumstances for Habakkuk were not going to improve for some time. Crop failure, financial downturn and invading armies lay ahead. He simply accepted it as God’s will. He couldn’t change it, so it was time to suck it up and move on with life. This is often the hardest part for us – accepting that life as we knew it may never be the same. God’s will is a mysterious thing, and if He’s elected that we live through adversity then we won’t be the first and in the long run it will be good for our character.

Second, he rejoiced in the Lord. Habakkuk made the choice to rejoice. He didn’t like his new reality, but he did have many eternal promises from God that could never be taken away by mortal man. When dealing with disappointment, the child of God needs to be reminded of all they already possess in the Lord. Saved from eternal condemnation – Yes! Promised a heavenly home – indeed! Filled with God’s Spirit and instructed by God’s Word – positively! The blessed hope of Christ’s return, when He will defeat His enemies and rule with unchallenged authority – Maranatha! Praise God there will never be a transfer of power in heaven!

Third, he renewed his strength. The prophet said, “The Lord is my strength.” There are a hundred and one ways you can draw strength from the Lord in the wake of disappointment. Draw strength from His sovereignty, knowing that He is in total control even when things feel out of control. Draw strength from His saints. Thank God we have each other. Find some fellow believers and pray. It will do more for your mental state than watching the news or checking social media. Draw strength from a song. Turn up the praise music and worship. You’ll find the Lord will lift you up as you lift Him up. "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face and the things of this world will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace!"  

In the end, disappointment is a good thing. You know why? Because it teaches us to refocus our hope – away from this world and more on our God. And anything that makes Christ more attractive and our love for Him stronger is a good thing. As Paul said, “and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us” (Rom. 5:5). 

-DM